Do you know who I am?? I hope not, else all is lost. The whole point is anonymity. I just can't stand the judgement, I would explain why but that would probably reveal who I am...oh who cares.

Just listening to what I would consider "classical music from my youth". Cheesy 80s tunes, and the oh so classic DJ Marky, LK. What memories flood back of summer evenings spent in pubs getting too intoxicated....ah those were the days, a crisis for my liver, not much has changed.

Amazing really, how music can evoke such feelings with little effort. A flick of the ITunes switch one way, and I am transported to a more carefree era, and another and I am reminded of loves lost, emotional times in my life, friends and family. What power.

What I think most about is regrets. I am still young and want to rectify some of those regrets but it's not so easy with my baggage. I am a single parent, with health problems. But all I can think about is those parts of my life that I miss. I need to get a balance of it all. The last couple of years have been an emotional roller coaster for many reasons and now I feel I deserve a reprieve. The sweetest dreams in my mind are not unachievable, having a good time in the warm weather with friends and family. Maybe it is unfair of me but I crave affection, a relationship, that's what I miss. The reason the last one broke down, and no doubt the reason finding another will be so difficult is because I have issues and boundaries, quite clear. I need to feel and see and hear and be certain things, I know when I know (what can I say I'm a woman) but I haven't known for some time.

I crave for the effervescent energy of a fresh relationship, not just any old relationship but the one where the chemistry fits, the sparks fly and earth just doesn't quite feel like earth any more. The one where your world is turned upside down whilst you try to figure out how god, or the higher power, or fate, luck or whatever, could have got it just right. You remember that feeling...bubbles, anticipation, baited breath, restlessness, daydreaming.....you remember. xx

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